Bittersweet Poetry

I feel ________ because _________.  I’ve been trying to fill in those blanks for the past week, and I just don’t know how.

My conversations with myself and other people are becoming more realistic, I think. There’s just that small doubt that any of this is actually real, and that doubt is taking over everything. I’ve been saying that July feels like it’ll be a good month, but I’m not gonna let June slip away into nothing. This summer is exactly what I needed. You are exactly what I needed. 

Maybe you and I are not meant to be, but for some reason I don’t care.  I’m slowly accepting that everything happens for a reason. This warm weather has brought a whole bunch of happiness into my life. 

You talk about how much you don’t want to be in a relationship and I don’t even get mad. I guess this is growing up: letting people live the way they want.
I’ll fit into your life if you want me to. 

Fingers crossed you make the effort. Fingers crossed. 

Slow and steady wins the race. I’m just filled with stupid analogies lately.

Who knew happiness could be found in fingers strumming guitar strings? I’m not one of those girls who fawns over boys with instruments, but you, you are different.  

He doesn’t know how to play Free Falling by Tom Petty, and I don’t think I could be happier.  

I’m finally finding the differences, finally realizing that maybe my friends were right when they said “not all guys are the same.”  

He still has time to prove me right.  

I guess I’ve been too happy to write lately. Or maybe I’m just too busy. But this is the good kind of busy, the relaxing summertime busy.

I’ve been back in DC for four days and there hasn’t been a night that I haven’t taken a walk to one, or even two of my favorite monuments. I’m starting to make it a tradition, whether I’m with someone or not. I’m trying to promise myself that I will walk to one of them every night.  

I know I’ve said it a million times, but this summer just feels right.

I haven’t felt this giddy in a long time; maybe not ever. Fingers crossed that it keeps getting better. 

I found a piece of dandelion in my hair, almost an hour later.

Waterfront photo shoots that end with a little wish making are always fun with your best friend, even on a grey day. We were both silently making wishes for new beginnings. Her’s, I’m sure, was for a fresh start with an old soul; mine, to continue this new start that I am becoming ever so fond of. 

This summer hasn’t even begun and I can already feel it’s joy.


Remember when you grabbed my hand in the car ride home that night? Well, it turns out that wasn’t the fastest my heart could race. I hope you know that he makes my heart race at ten times that speed.

I can feel July being a good month. School is finally ending and my responsibilities are diminishing. For three months I can finally focus on the way you smirk at me, your stupid jokes and the way my stomach feels as if there were fireworks going off whenever you’re around. 

I’ve never been more excited for a summer before. I’m trying not to get caught up in my hopes for this summer. I just can’t help but feel that new beginnings are upon me; and these new beginnings are with you. 

I like the fact that you kept those pictures. You could’ve thrown them out, or put them away, much like I did with almost all traces of you.  I wish I could have been as accepting as you were. I wish I could have stomached looking at something that reminded me of memories I’d rather forget.

I guess I’m fine with everything at the moment. I might not be tomorrow, but that’s the thing, I don’t have to choose an emotion and stick with it. I can feel the way I want to feel, when I want to feel it. And I’m happy it’s still there, it’s not the same, but something is still there.

I have an infatuation with art that comes from the depths of the soul. My favorite works have been ones that were the hardest for me to make, both emotionally and physically. I don’t believe in vaguely interpreting my life into my work. I can’t just scratch the surface, I have to dig deep. There’s no use in half-assing because I’m scared of what people will think.

If you’re going to enter my life, be aware that you will probably end up in one of my works. And if you are, then you should feel pretty damn good that you made that much of an impact on me, whether it was good or bad. 

I just wanna lie in bed together, completely clothed, cuddling for hours. 

I’ve never just wanted that from a guy before. Everyone who knows me can tell I’m different. But what they can’t tell is how afraid I am. 

I just wanna be happy, and stay happy. And I want that with you.

I fell into that oh so familiar way of thinking again. Thank goodness I was able to get out of that before I really got hurt.

I don’t want to be that girl with the pessimistic views on love, but I can’t help it. Seems like every time things are going great, it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.  

It’s just sad because this time it actually felt real.

Oh well, it’s alright, I’m completely used to being alone. 

When I’m lost in a crowd, I hope that you’ll pick me out. 

I’ve never been more certain and confused. I’ve also never been more angry at my past.  I wish these stupid defense mechanisms would just go away. I wonder if you’ll be able to look past them, I wonder if you’ll have the assertion to make this work. None of the others did. I don’t know what makes you different.

All I know is when I think about it, it feels real. Nothing has ever felt more real. 
I have no intensions of hurting you, so please don’t hurt me.

What is it gonna take for me to come to terms with the fact that you are sincere? I hope my friends are right about everything.

“but you think about yourself too much 
and you ruin who you love”

Just one more sign is all I need. Maybe two.

Let’s just make this easier on the both of us and admit it. 

I feel the same way, I promise. 

Smiles. Giggles. Longing Stares. 

This all seems right to me. 

I hope it feels right to you too. 

I’ve promised myself I won’t kiss a guy without knowing their favorite color.  Seems stupid, but it’s the one question I always regret not asking. 

Favorite colors tell a lot about a person, or nothing at all. Either way I need to know. 

Mine’s orange if you care.